i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
