Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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