Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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