sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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