so explain again why im purple
no
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
