If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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