I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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