Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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