we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She has the best kind of daddy issues
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
