i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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