Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
