Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
