just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
