: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
