you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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