if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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