woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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