I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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