She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
