my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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