Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
