its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ketchup is God's man juice
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Less talking, more tequila
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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