Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
