I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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