Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
