I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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