Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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