How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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