So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
