god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish my penis had an off switch
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
