I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
