This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
