The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
