Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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