I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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