At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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