i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize