Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
