new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize