True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have demons in me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
