Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
