He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
