Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
