im holly from the hills drunk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
