careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
