you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
