I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
