Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
