I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
