that's an acceptable place to lick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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