I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We need to get me chipped asap
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
