meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
