drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
