i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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