I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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