so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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