i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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