Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
