didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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