You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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