you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
