I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
