I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
