I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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