so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
