I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
