Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
