Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
