if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
