i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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