she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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