im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
