Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
