Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
