the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
