Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
